Not So Sweet
by ReddAlice
Summary: Who are you to say what a gesture actually means? Words and actions are mirages when roped up inside a relationship of unmitigated angst. Shônen Ai, Angst, Hope. One Shot


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Bitter Sweet: Not So Sweet

**B**y R_e_**ddA**_lice  
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**Author's Note: **I had a lot of fun with this short piece, and started working on a complimentary piece from the other characters point of view almost immediately, though this is the best. (Pay attention to past and present tense, there is a moment when the character reflects on his feelings and the events the lead him to his ex's apartment door, and then the ex answers.) Please, I wanna hear everything you think? What did or didn't you like? What did you feel? Did you relate? Do you want more? What's on your mind! Let me get to know my reader with this differently written piece.

**STATUS:** One Shot

**Warnings: **Angst, Shônen Ai, Hope... **Disclaimer:**_ Shin Kidousenki New Mobile War Chronicle Gundam Wing A.C._ was created by _Hajime Yatate & Yoshiyuki Tomino_ and is licensed to Bandai Entertainment, Sunrise, and Satsu Agency. ~-~...If you think I own any prior listed... A psychiatrist and straightjacket is complimentary on your way out. May you get the help need, and _pray_ it's _not_ genetic!

**Songs:** Messiah - Angel Sanctuary, Lucky You - Deftones 

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"**Hello**?"

The door snickers at me, protesting my knocking...stillness the solitary answer.  

How dare you shrug me off! How dare you make me adore you then leave me! I'm terribly and pathetically angry with you. My soul is livid in every possible sense of the word. Angry, and bruised, the discoloration so intense it appears disfiguring. 

You wanted me! I came! You changed me! Then you left. I am what am left after love, excruciating passion; I'm the wretched aftermath of hours in the rain.

I looked for you, you know? No. You saw me; I know you did, because I saw you, you sitting there in that restaurant laughing... laughing until your wide eyes met mine. I saw the breath hitch in your chest, your posture go rigid. Your company looked out into the streets unable to identify my face, a face they've never seen, and a face you've probably never spoken of. You dare make me love... and leave me for your flavors, a different candy every week. 

How do I know? I've been watching you...

My heart drained from my chest, down my numb limbs, and into the winter washed gutters of the street. You saw this, and you brushed my existence off as something you didn't want. You're cold.

Your smile didn't deadpan, but rather it hardened against me, and turned back to your guest. You let him pretend he's the universe, you touch his arm, and even from the sidewalk, I can see your free hand moving under the tablecloth. I desperately hate you.

I'm too attached to let go. 

Why can't I break away from you? Why do I dream of you? Why do I recall your laugh when that asinine song plays on the radio!? Why do I miss the sweet scent of your silken hair?

I want you, but more than that, I want answers about _me_.

Once I caught you following me in the crowd. I caught a glimpse of your dark mane you keep caged, tied back in that tireless braid. When I spotted you, you abruptly entered a building. Maybe you didn't notice... but my desire makes my awareness of you even acquitter than the first time we embraced, or the first time we made love. 

I _felt_ you behind me, like I felt my shirt against my back. I could sense your eyes bearing into skin, and burning a hole in my heart. I could even smell the smoke wafting up from my smoldered skin. 

You're a black cancer of the spirit. 

You are the God of Death who taunts me. 

You know what? _Fuck you. _

Biting my lip I turn away, this was a bad idea.

"Hey..." I hear behind me, so I look back, and there you are. Looking at me with beautiful sleep hazed eyes, your face soft and innocent.

Finally it's my time to speak! I think about the years I couldn't love, of course I cared for _everyone_, strangers, but I didn't love a soul. Did that mean anything to you? Did you ever care you were the first? "Hey." I say. My grand statement of embodied emotion!

For a minute there, did you flinch? Did you think I was going to say something else? Good, I want to.

"Wanna come in?" You ask moving aside and directing me into the darkness of your home, a home without me.

As you shut the door, I feel your manner change; I guess you're waking up. "What do you want?" You demand coolly with the voice of a soldier, the tone of a singer, and the effect of a sex god. _God_... I want you. Like I'm nothing to you, you shrug. "Is there something you need?" 

I'm caught of guard in shock. I was expecting this, but I'm not prepared. "I-I want to talk." I stutter. Where did my professional demeanor go? The appearance my father built up around me! The one you shredded... The very exterior I was counting on to save me from falling under you. 

Your eyebrow is poised above, the other narrowed in speculation. Do I see confusion too? "What's there to talk about? I thought we cleared everything up."

"No, we didn't."

"Well...what's left to talk about?"

I'm chewing on my beaten abused and crumbling organ, my heart; I bite my tongue so hard it bleeds. "Me."

"What about you?" You spit out incredulously.

"I love _you_, that's what. I... I miss you." I conclude stronger.

Your posture stiffens and you make your way towards your sofa, it's facing a window, no television. You without television... somehow I can't see it though I'm looking at it. I suppose I am enough drama, I'm your threadbare baggage. "_I_ don't love you." You rebuke bitterly. 

I feel anger rising in my chest like bile, raw and disgusting. "Yes you do!"

You stop in front of your furniture, and fasten me with a rigid gaze, the skin around your eyes visibly taut in the darkness. "_No_, I _don't_."

I tremble, "You said you loved me! You held me... we we're together, and you walked out! What sort of sad excuse of a man are you, huh?" You take each word like a whipping. "I thought you said you would never lie to me. Then you said you loved me!"

Offended you turn your back to me, the laps in the street below lining your silhouette in the darkness with an unearthly glow. "I don't lie." You're caught... you know it. "You know what, fuck off." You hiss sinking down onto the couch.

"Is that your answer to everything? I love you." I whisper to him. "I miss you... I want you back... I... I need you so much. Look at me?" I gesture to myself. "Look at me?" You acknowledge me with a swift look, "Look at me! I'm a mess! I've never been like this... " I pause listening to his agonized breathing.  "Don't break me." I cry. This went from unsettlingly bad to disturbingly worse in moments.

"Get out." Your voice shakes, and I feel my mouth go slack.

I want to turn on the lights, but I won't. I need to see your damp face in it's fully glory, but I am satisfied with the sparkling of reflected light trickling down your cheek. It's hope in its liquid form; it's your heart pouring out from under your lashes.

"Get out." I move to leave. "Quatre..." You call to me. "I hate you."

I stop with my hand clutching the doorknob, "I hate you too, Duo." 

"Get out!"

So I do as you say, but I can tell in your voice, I can hear it, you know as well as I do... I'll be coming back to knock on your door, to watch you fondle men from the street, to claim your soul because you took mine.

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EN: Keep an eye out for the complimentary piece, it will be posted separately as: Not so Bitter. Any corrections you may see, please include them in your review, I'll promptly fix the error. ^-^ I'm always learning.


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